Craig's MovieBlog

Michael Bay is Loved by Everyone

This is both true and painfully ironic.

His film, Transformers 2, had the second largest opening single day of all time on Wednesday, raking in $60.6 million dollars.  So, he is clearly loved by lots of you.

At the same time, the reviews of the film were blisteringly awful, but many were staggeringly creative:

“It sounds as though the script…was written in serial novel form during an all-night mescaline bender,” Christopher Orr, The New Republic

“I’d rather listen to Mr. Roboto on a loop for 150 minutes than watch Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen again,” Mike Ward, Richmond.com

“Will insult your intelligence, hurt your eyes, and offend your sense of decency until you worry that your skull might explode while your brain trickles right out of your ears,” Tricia Olszewski, Washington City Paper

Please note that the following is from a POSITIVE review of the film:

“It’s like watching a blender for two hours while someone shouts at you. And then the last half an hour is the same, except it’s more like having your head strapped to a washing machine while you watch a blender and someone shouts at you,”  Paul French, FHM

But perhaps the best comment was called out by former Deadspin editor Will Leitch after he read what Roger Ebert wrote:

“I didn’t have a stop watch, but it seemed to me the elephantine action scenes were pretty much spaced out evenly through the movie. There was no starting out slow and building up to a big climax. The movie is pretty much all climax. The Autobots and Deceptibots must not have read the warning label on their Viagra. At last we see what a four-hour erection looks like.”

Mr. Leitch also gleefully called out Rian Johnson’s recent tweets.  Rian Johnson is the writer and director of Brick and The Brothers Bloom.  I’m sure Michael Bay will gladly call out that Mr. Johnson’s films combined were outgrossed by Transformers 2 in the first 60 seconds of its release.  Having said that, Mr. Johnson writes:

“I think Bay's creative process is clarified by describing any scene from the film then putting the words "and shit" at the end of it:”

"And they're in Egypt, so they're driving past camels and shit."

"And they need to get to this machine they have to bust up the pyramids and shit."

"And this sliver thing activates something in Shia's brain so he's seeing symbols and shit."

And finally, the “Fake Michael Bay” twitter page is fantastic.  It’s kind of like the Chuck Norris jokes, but still brilliant.

Poking My Head Up Before Watchmen Comes Out

I know.  Nothing on the Globes, nothing on the Oscars.  That’s right – the inspiration just isn’t there.  I’ll just say this:  I loved the Oscars this year and what they did with the show.  They could have killed the second musical act (with Beyonce and Zac Efron) to save time, but the show finished ahead of schedule anyway.  They also could have done some more thinking about who was giving the speeches to the various nominees.  DeNiro to Penn was awesome, but Cotillard to Kate Winslet?  How was that not Emma Thompson?  Adrien Brody to Richard Jenkins?  Cuba Gooding Jr.?!?!?

And with that, let’s move on.

Watchmen is coming out this week and David Poland has pointed out some interesting commentary from one of the cast members. 

Matthew Goode plays Andrew Veidt/Ozymandias in the movie, expected to be one of the biggest hits of 2009.

But the 30-year-old actor – who has previously appeared in Match Point and Brideshead Revisited – went on the offensive after learning hardcore fans are saying he doesn’t suit the character before even watching the film.

He said: “The negative feedback is relayed by my friends. I think the fanboys aren’t particularly happy – there are a load of people they’d have rather had in before me.

“It’s already being slated before they’ve seeing anything.

“But if fanboys still hate the film after going and seeing it, they can all line up and s*** my d***.

“I don’t give a f***.”

Matthew added: “I’m having a child and that’s more important to me – so I don’t give a f***. Grow a d***.”

Is it bad that I think that he actually has the proper perspective here?

Now, there are people that have seen the film, like David Edelstein of New York Magazine, who says, it is an “awe-inspiring corpse: huge, noisy, gaseously distended by its own dystopia.”

Good times.

Peter Travers Has Lost His Mind

He actually wrote this to describe Pineapple Express and it was used as a pull quote in a New York Times ad:

This is like if Superbad met Midnight Run and they had a baby and then meanwhile that freaky Quentin Tarantino talk from Pulp Fiction and True Romance met that freaky Judd Apatow TV stuff from Freaks and Geeks and Undeclared and they had a baby, and by some miracle those babies met — and fucked — this would be the funny shit that they birthed.

Admittedly, he was channeling one of the film’s characters, but… come on.

Craigslist

Hold tight – this is quite a list… I’ve been saving up (for some reason I don’t quite understand):

• Here’s the trailer for Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist.  Yep, want to see it.
• Patrick Goldstein over at the Los Angeles Times reports that with the release of the latest X-Files film, 20th Century Fox has now released 18 consecutive horrible movies, determined by a rating less than 50 over at Rotten Tomatoes.  Their next release is called Mirrors, a thriller with Kiefer Sutherland.  I smell 19!
• Watchmen, Watchmen, Watchmen!!!  The trailer is live (and beautiful), the character posters are out, and my (ahem) graphic novel should be arriving from Amazon today.  Good times.
• Who really is going to go see an Oliver Stone created W. in November?  Won’t we be completely sick of the Obama-McCain election and want to move on from all of it?  Anyway, here’s the trailer.
• I cannot believe how awful The Spirit looks.  I hated the first trailer mostly due to the music, but that was just a teaser.  Now the real thing is here, and it almost looks idiotic… almost like a bad SNL Digital Short.
• Body of Lies looks somewhat interesting… I’m just not sure why Russell Crowe thought it was a good idea to do a Beau Bridges impersonation for this role.
• New Harry Potter trailer… Yep, want to see it.

11 for 11 – The Dark Knight Reviews

I absolutely cannot wait, but does anyone else feel like the marketing has peaked too soon?  I was under the impression that it came out this weekend, given how much noise it’s been making.

Craigslist

• David Poland says Hancock “is easily the most ambitious action script of the summer to date.”
• It’s Brad Pitt’s world.  We’re all just living in it.  Check out the trailers for Burn After Reading and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, directed by The Coen Brothers and David Fincher, respectively.
• So best.  Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: The Abridged Script.  Go read it and remind yourself how truly disappointing that film was.  I wonder if George Lucas is gonna just go and destroy all my childhood dreams.  Maybe he can remake Fletch, Ghostbusters, and Ferris Bueller next.
• This is old, but I still don’t get it.  Blockbuster is “testing in-store kiosks allowing consumers to download movies onto their portable devices.”  Wow.  Too bad I actually have to go to Blockbuster to do this… you know, the place where all the DVDs are anyway?  Gosh, if there was only a device in the home that was connected to the Internet, could download a movie the same way, and could sync content to my portable devices. Schmucks…
• If Film Studios Developed Videogames.  John August is brilliant.

Wanted is Getting Good Reviews (So Far)

I know, it’s early yet.  But still, this gets my hopes up.

Ouch - Four Word Sex and the City Review

"Another Taliban recruitment film"

The longer version: "Guys everywhere -- if you're in a brand-new relationship, take her to see this thing. If she even half-likes it, dump her and walk away cold."

My Final Funny Games Post

I've ranted enough about Funny Games, and I feel wrong giving it any more attention, but I saw an interview with Michael Pitt over at New York Magazine's Vulture blog, and this section jumped out at me, probably because it's precisely how I feel when reading about the film or seeing the trailers:

When we saw [Funny Games], we have to admit that we felt like we were going to throw up the entire time.
Yeah. It’s a really hard film to watch. I find that parents in particular have a really difficult time to watch it, which is understandable. For Tim [Roth], especially, making the film was really difficult. He’s got a little boy about that age.

Also, over at Hollywood Elsewhere, Jeff Wells is very conflicted.  He says:

Michael Haneke's Funny Games is simultaneously the ugliest and most repulsive violent melodrama I've ever seen (including the thoroughly disgusting I Spit On Your Grave) and the smartest and nerviest critique of sexy-violent movies in the bang-flash vein of Quentin Tarantino, Tony Scott, Oliver Stone, Eli Roth and other purveyors and marketers of homicidal style.

A fair percentage of those brave enough to see this Warner Independent release this weekend are going to walk out on it -- trust me. It's a hateful and infuriating film, no question, and yet it has a worthwhile point. And you can't not respect Haneke for this.

It's certainly one of the ballsiest movies ever released by Warner Bros. (technically Warner Independent) in its 90 year history. I mean this in a sense that average people might come out of showings feeling enormous hate for Warner Bros. for having done so. Seriously. If the final effect wasn't so stunning and dispiriting I could imagine people beating up ushers on the way out.

I actually commented on his site (something I almost never do... what is this film doing to me?!?!) with, "I have no desire to watch a young boy tortured for two hours, and I have no desire to see that boy watch his parents get tortured either.  Maybe it's because I have two young sons, but if that makes me a film wuss, so be it."

David Poland Hated Cloverfield

David Poland hated Cloverfield:

"I'm never going to waste the time to review this magical marketing scam because it isn't even worthy of the blog-umn inches. Besides, I will be in Sundance when this one drops... into the toilet bowl of movie history. That said, it will open to over $40 million, breaking the record for January openings."

Jeff Wells liked Cloverfield

Jeff Wells liked Cloverfield:

Cloverfield is a monster film unlike any other -- a complete original, but no less of a rock' em-sock 'em for that. It's amazing in that it's so short (by my watch about 74 minutes without credits), and yet so fierce. If Allen Ginsberg hadn't already used this I would suggest that they call it Howl. This is not your father's Ray Harryhausen rampaging monster flick. Those movies, comparatively, were parlor dramas for the tame of mind. This movie is REM madness. It is Guillermo del Toro on a tab of brown acid with a little crack thrown in.

Critics

Classic.  To me, this just defines the state of the entertainment blogosphere circa late-2007:

• Film Critics are Too Snooty
• Film Critics aren't Snooty Enough
• Jeff Wells takes a position
• Vulture covers both sides of the issue

No Country For Old Men Debates

I mentioned a few days ago (twice) how much I loved No Country For Old Men, until the ending just kind of took me out of the whole fantasy, leaving me with a big, "huh?"

Well, I don't want to go so far as to say that the film blogosphere elite has labeled me a "dullard" for not understanding what the Coen brothers were trying to do (well, they wouldn't be the first), but there is a spirited debate about the ending of the film going on at a variety of sites.  You can find people arguing over on Glenn Kenny's blog (from Premiere Magazine), David Poland's site, and Jeff Wells' Hollywood Elsewhere

If you saw No Country and were completely fulfilled by the ending, or if you were left wanting, there's definitely something to be learned from these conversations happening as we speak.

Oh, and if you haven't seen the film yet, don't you dare read these pages, as they are chock full of spoilerific goodness.

No Country For Old Men... and Rambling About Funny Games Again

Tonight I ran out to see No Country For Old Men, which had me hooked for two-thirds of the movie, and then the Coens decided to just throw any convention to the wind and go all philosophical on us.  I know I'm supposed to just go with their flow and not expect an ending all tied up nicely in a bow, but perhaps any package at all would have been nice.  It's beautifully lit, incredibly suspenseful at times, and Tommy Lee Jones' character has a wonderful way with words.  But for me, it fell apart as soon as they got to Vegas.

Completely digressing, however, the theater I attended showed the trailer for Funny Games, and I just get angrier than ever watching that thing.  Last week their PR agency sent me an email pointing to a clip from the film, which I reluctantly watched.  I'm going to be a jerk, not link to it, and spoil it for you, because it involved the killers murdering the family's dog.  Don't read the next paragraph if you don't want to have the part about the family's dead dog ruined for you.  Consider that my spoiler alert.

One of the killers is playing the "Warmer, Colder" game that we used to play as children.  Naomi Watts wanders around her yard based on the young man's warmer or colder commands, until she gets to the back of her car.  She opens it up, and her dead dog sickeningly spills out onto the ground.  Oh, and in other parts of the film, everyone in this innocent family is tortured and murdered, including their young boy... maybe 7 years old?  And the killers get away. The End.

Nice.  Spoilers are all finished.

I love the first amendment, and Michael Haneke can make (and remake) this film if he wants, but I reserve the right to have the opinion that the content is despicable.  Maybe the ends don't justify the means this time.  I don't say this lightly; I'm never the one saying Tarantino is evil, or rap music and internet porn will ruin our children, and I can't believe I'm saying these things without even having seen the film.  (I’ve read enough reviews of the original film to know what happens, I know the big twist, and I do know what Haneke is trying to comment upon.)

Look, I'm as liberal, jaded, and cynical as you get, and maybe Haneke is trying to snap me out of it.  Something about just the basic construct of this movie has crossed a line with me though, and this probably has more to do with me than the film… but it still turns my stomach.

Michael Clayton - My Favorite of 2007 So Far

I can't emphasize enough how much I loved Michael Clayton.  When I make a movie, I want Clooney and Sydney Pollack involved... and probably Tony Gilroy.  Three-dimensional characters, terrific dialog, amazing visual and sound editing (watch the layers of almost any scene, as you're seeing one thing but hearing another). 

My favorite moment?  Clooney and Tom Wilkinson are arguing in a Milwaukee jail, verbally jabbing back and forth at each other, getting more and more heated, until Wilkinson finally pronounces, "I am Shiva, the God of Death."  There's a pregnant pause, and this seems to be the dramatic moment that everyone remembers.

Me though?  I remember the next line.  Michael Clayton, ever the pragmatist, responds almost sarcastically:

"Let's get out of Milwaukee first, and then we'll talk about it."

Loved it.